i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
