I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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