You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
