Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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