You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
