I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
