Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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