The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
