so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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