I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
