First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
