I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
