It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
