Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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