i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i drank out of a bidet.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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