Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
