Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Randomize
