For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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