I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
