i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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