I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
