I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
