we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
