I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Randomize
