As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
