Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
