Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she smelled like a LAN party
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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