i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
