i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
