Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
