So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
