my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
