Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I want a musical about memes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
