so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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