She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
