I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
