I heard we made out
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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