You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
