what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
