you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
