I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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