if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize