i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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