were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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