who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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