i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
