i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
