so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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