Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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