I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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