the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
