please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize