my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
