Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
