i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
