no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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